SATIRICAL TEXT

Subject: Interview for EU Project MARISCOS
From: spectacularguy97@gmail.com

Dear Prof. Lalovic
This is Kevin Rettinger, a graduate student at the Ketchahooga Institute of Technology. I am writing you regarding a very innovative project, MARISCOS (Monitoring Accurate Research in Science Communication and Other Studies), coordinated by EUROWHAT company and funded by the European Commission within the Horizon programme.

The main aim of the project is to identify the best standards and practices in the new area of “science communication” so that appropriate guidelines can be distributed to all communicators in Europe and we can finally avoid fake news and eradicate misinformation on vaccines, climate change and all those things — you know what I mean!

I would be grateful if you could take a few minutes to answer our questionnaire. The results will be analysed through a powerful big data approach and developed into an App for smartphone, free to download on both Apple and Android phones.

The questionnaire includes very simple questions: “What is science communication? What is the most effective way to communicate science? What is responsible innovation? (and by the way, what is innovation, and who is responsible?)”

Answering the questionnaire is very simple: follow the Google link below, download the software and launch it as administrator. For technical problems, please refer to the FAQ link below. For major problems, please refer to the video tutorial: “How to restart your computer after a fatal crash”.

Please do not forget to send me the privacy and copyright form (through which you accept that all your responses will be distributed worldwide according to the Creative Commons licence), together with a scanned copy of your passport, drivers’ licence and social security number.

In exchange for your valuable time, you will get an invitation to our free Hackathon “Hack Communication/Free your Passion!”.

I would be grateful if you could return your responses by this weekend as we have a very tight schedule with this project.

Have a good day
Kevin

Subject: Interview for EU Project MARISCOS
To: <spectacularguy97@gmail.com>

Dear Mr. Rettinger
Thank you very much for your kind invitation to join this interesting initiative. I should probably mention that “science communication” is not new — unless of course you are thinking in terms of the age of the universe. Science communication exists at least since the XVIIth century, and thousands of books and papers have been written on the topic. I strongly suggest that you start your research from the Handbook edited by Diaz Velasco and colleagues (link) as well as from the leading journals Science Communication, Public Understanding of Science and Jcom (links).

Kind regards
Prof. M. Lalovic

Subject: Interview for EU Project MARISCOS
From: spectacularguy97@gmail.com

Dear Prof. Lalovic
Thanks for your quick response. As I told to my project supervisor, I knew you were the right person to ask! As soon as I googled: science communication, your name came on top of search results. A Handbook of Science Communication eh? This is awesome! And all those journals.. who could have imagined? what a nice surprise! However, I have some questions for you. First, I see that these journals have published a huge amount of papers, do you suggest that I start in alphabetical or chronological order? Also, I see from Amazon that this handbook is quite expensive, about 50 dollars, do you think I could be able to find the pdf online?

Have a good day,
Kevin

Ps. Please do not forget the questionnaire
Pps. Please do not forget the privacy and copyright form

Subject: Interview for EU Project MARISCOS
To: <spectacularguy97@gmail.com>

Dear Mr. Rettinger
I am glad that my simple suggestions can be valuable for your study. You should be able to find the Handbook in your university library, which should be able to grant you access also to the journals that I mentioned. Below is a list of papers that I can recommend as a good starting point.

Kind regards
Prof. M. Lalovic

Subject: Interview for EU Project MARISCOS
From: spectacularguy97@gmail.com

Dear Prof. Lalovic
Thanks. A library eh? This is awesome! I googled and finally understood what you mean, that’s the place where I sometimes go for wifi! And now I finally realize why there are so many shelves filled with books. But you know, I browsed through those shelves for several minutes but could not find the Handbook you refer to. Any suggestion on where it could exactly be? This place is pretty big.

Keep well,
Kevin

Subject: Interview for EU Project MARISCOS
To: <spectacularguy97@gmail.com>

Dear Mr. Rettinger.
I was able to find a pdf of the Handbook of Science Communication. Please find it attached.

Kind regards
Prof. M. Lalovic

Subject: Interview for EU Project MARISCOS
From: spectacularguy97@gmail.com

Dear Prof. Lalovic
Thanks, this is really superkind of you! But I have just realised that this handbook is more than 200 pages and we really have a tight schedule with this project. Do you think I would be able to find a summary or video tutorial on youtube? Or a podcast by the authors? Or would you be so kind to send me a pdf summary via Whatsapp? Also, I have not yet received your responses to our short questionnaire. If you prefer, I could call you and collect your responses via Facetime or Telegram.

Have a good day
Kevin

Subject: Interview for EU Project MARISCOS
To: <spectacularguy97@gmail.com>

Dear Mr. Rettinger.
You can call me Friday at 3pm, at my office phone, see number below.
Kind regards

Subject: Interview for EU Project MARISCOS
From: spectacularguy97@gmail.com

Dear Prof. Lalovic
Thanks! Unfortunately on Friday I will be travelling to Barcelona to celebrate the 5th birthday of my partner’s Siamese cat, Ottorino (I attach a picture of the cat, isn’t it cute?). If you don’t mind, it would be more practical to receive your responses via email or whatsapp.

Ps. Please do not forget the privacy/copyright form.

Subject: Interview for EU Project MARISCOS
To: <spectacularguy97@gmail.com>

Dear Mr. Rettinger.
I attach my responses to your questions. I also have a suggestion for another project that I hope you and your supervisor may undertake and get funded from the European Commission. I also have, which is very important, a good title and acronym for the project “Monitoring Accurate Particle Physics Analysis via Zoom Zoom and other Apps”, i.e. MAPPAZZA.

It is a very simple yet very effective project. All you have to do is send a questionnaire to leading particle physicists around the world (I recommend starting from CERN) and ask questions like the following: “What is particle physics”? “What is exactly the difference between particle physics and quantum physics”? And maybe also: “What is physics?”

Perhaps I do not need to emphasize that once you have the responses, you could fruitfully analyse them through Big Data techniques and use them as a basis for a Hackathon and smartphone App. Please keep me posted on key results.

Kind regards

From: spectacularguy97@gmail.com
Dear Prof. Lalovic

I see that you responded to all our questions: “I don’t know”. Nevertheless, this is going to be valuable information for our project and it is great to be able to list you as one of the leading experts of science communication.

Particle physics eh? This is awesome! This is a terrific idea. I am going to discuss this immediately with my supervisor so that he can then go to Brussels and seek funding for this new project. By the way, do you think we could include you in the advisory board?

Have a great day, professor, and do not forget to send me your privacy/copyright form, together with a copy of your passport….

(ad libitum)

By Master SciComm on June 9, 2020. First published on Medium